Desire to be a ‘kid of about 6’

How good it used to be when I played cricket with my father! How great it was when I was scared by every other dark corner of my house and Mom came along with me to pacify my fear! I had freedom to do anything, with no one commenting on my endeavours: a few hours of study followed by non- stop cartoon viewing. I could say whatever I wanted to; I could talk to anybody: a girl or a boy, there wasn’t any discrimination.

Well, those were the days when I was a kid. A young budding kid of about 6, a jolly dude; unaware of the worldly desires, ignorant of the way people interacted in this world and of the way I should maintain my dignity. My world was full of fun engraved in the wall of tranquillity like the gems in the walls of the Taj. I had no fear, no responsibility, no one to look for. I had friends who were all the same to me as I was to them that is to say; there was neither envy nor a feeling of competition. Yes the sense of winning did exist but not with any sense of defeating an individual. More importantly my heart was as pure as nectar.

Today I am a boy (read guy), moreover an adult of over 19 years of age (soon to end my teenage as well) and lo!!!! Playing with Dad? What are you talking about!!! How could I play with my Dad.... my friends would make a good fuss out of this matter. Me scared of dark: whosoever comes across this fact would laugh at me; forget about ‘Mom accompanying me through the darkness’.

So here we are; the first two of my desires fulfilled in my childhood suppressed due to my age and the community I live in. Well about comments, I have no less of them. Even if a single word goes wrong, the whole mob turns against me and I am robbed! I need to speak each and every sentence with full wit and thought taking care of what the reply shall be. I need to take care of what impact it shall have, not just for today but for future as well, because my speech defines my character. Oh! Character: another term added to my dictionary as I grew up in the community. And I need to maintain the nobility and good image of my so called ‘character’.

At present, I regret that I need to talk to the opposite gender in a reputed manner maintaining their dignity more than my own. A slight statement against a girl’s vantage damages my image. Moreover even a light chat might catch the eyes of my friends and I am caught again in the web of the ‘Comment Spider’. As far as friends are concerned, I shall have to mention, it is too difficult to find a friend who really cares for me. Though I enjoy a lot the company of my friends, yet the freedom is missing. I am to behave in a manner that suits my company.

Having said all this I would conclude saying that it’s not that I am not enjoying this stage of my life but I regret having lost the liberty and the true heart and expression I had earlier as a child. I enjoy witnessing small children playing with same innocence and there I really desire to be once more what I was when I was a ‘kid of about 6’.